Saturday, April 22, 2017

Goodbye Memaw

I honestly don't know how to begin. How do you put into words a person, a person in the past, yet has always been there... and now isn't?  Something you've said goodbye too... yet never did? How do you explain nothing... then sink under it?

How do I explain this week...

Wednesday, I was informed that my last surviving biological Great-grandparent died; Memaw. She's been drifting for forever, and it was as if... well look back a year, and no, there's no difference, look back ten and yes there is... that type of thing.

I never knew her in her prime. She's my great grandmother after all... that didn't mean I didn't get to know her. I'm probably the youngest who actually had memories of spending time with her. And my memories are numerous since we went over there a lot.

The last ten years though, it's been a long, slow, steady decline as alshimers, and strokes slowly took her away more and more. Until the past year; she's been a mere shell.

The shell... It was just a body at that point. Sometimes she'd talk about a flower or something, but in choppy one word, two word sentences. Nothing more. It was just a shell... Memaw was gone.

So when I was informed of her death, I... to be honest, it was more a. "Oh great, this week is booked! Not this too!" reaction... dull annoyance if I felt anything at all. Honest, I don't think I did feel anything. It was simply yet another piece of data I needed to file away.

But I didn't sleep, and I've not slept since I got given the news. I can't sleep, and I don't know why. I've just... not slept. So I guess it's impacted me deeper than I thought it did.

My mind goes back to when I was young to what I can remember. Back to where my memories really kind of start. Not that it was the beginning of my life, but the beginning of what I can remember. Memaw was probably the only one of my great-grandparents I got to really get to know. The rest died years ago, either right before, or when I was young enough that it had no impact.

Memaw, she was different. She was still very much up and kicking. Wild ol' fisty thing. Full of stories, and ready to sell her cooking, or talk sense into you. The clearer memories were of her yelling down her husband after he did, or said something that she considered dumb.

I remember going to her house that always stank, and climbing up into her lap and doing puzzles with her. I remember the strawberries, and the peach pie.

I remember that swing in the back that was my favorite place. And when she finally got it fixed up for me taking me back there and giving me a good push to get me started on it.

I remember the living room with the TV up too high. And my shoebox of coloring books and crayons.

I remember the garden that I wasn't ever allowed to go in... and the fence that was rumored to be but a few trees away from church. I couldn't see it, but I was told that if I took off running, I'd end up in the church's backyard.

I remember the time Memaw traded me 5 dolls for one, ridiculous doll that cried nonstop! I HATED that doll, but she adored it.

I remember... I remember the best the memorial day that she loaded us up in her large van  and took us around to all the family graves as we put out flowers. And she'd tell us story after story after story as we walked through about each family member.

(I remember the bug on my car seat that she dealt with after we were finished probably better)

I remember itching to go to Ryans because I knew we'd run into them... and how devastated I felt when the restaurant closed down.

I remembered the noise... and the people that seemed to always be there. All of them family.... or somehow related... you were never completely sure. Sometimes it was a step-cousin, of a brother of a spouse... or just as likely the kid next door. But walking into a hoard wasn't uncommon. And all of these people would be talking at once. the noise volume... if you couldn't handle the noise, don't come visit. Also... juggling every single conversation in the room. Somehow you just did it. Somehow... you just learned to talk to nine different people on a hundred different subjects all at the same time.

I remember my boat out back where we used to go on long 'adventures' and see the world... and pray nobody actually caught us playing in it.

My last memory... fond memory was two years ago, when while singing, and coloring with her, her eyes suddenly cleared, she looked up at me and said. "You are Vannah!" And then was gone again... but to be honest, that's when I feel like I said goodbye to her.... and she to me. That last, instant of a glimpse of the old nanny who just owned everyone.

A lot of my mindset when it comes to people I got from her. Even though I know I could never be her. I'm too timid. But no belly goes hungry, and every ear deserves a story. And she'll talk you straight if you think you can walk all over her.

Memaw = childhood.

Memaw to me was yes, a person, but... she was lost to us by the time my life started going a bit sour. So to me, she was always part of 'that' time in my life. I have song I like to listen to, a line in it goes. "I mean you had it all when you were just a kid. Do you even remember who you were back then?" For the most part, no, I don't remember who I was back then. But in her eyes, in her presence... I always did. I always could go back to those wild, free, insane times when I was just a kid, and thought I understood the world... Back when I was free, and wild... life wasn't perfect, but I was innocent.

Memaw = family.

If you liked them, or hated them. You were family, they were family, so deal with it.

Memaw = Love

Memaw= Struggle

Memaw= Strength.

Memaw = Refusing to give up...

Memaw was Memaw... was... Memaw.

I could think of a hundred ways to describe her. Bring up characters in books... We did things, because that would make her happy.

Easter happened for her.

Thanksgiving happened for her.

And she never missed a birthday.

We got together because she would be upset, and of course, never hear the end of it... if we didn't.

And... she's gone.

How- how do you even describe that.

I didn't think I'd cry, but I nearly melted. I didn't want to go... And I still can't settle. I'm drop dead exhausted at this point... but numb... completely numb. It's not real. And yet... it's a reality that's been for so long I can't even remember it's beginning.

Loosing Memaw is a new form of pain. As I sat there in the funeral, it was like a wave of sorrow crashed down over me, and I sunk. The turmoil of emotions was like an ocean current tossing me around... and I couldn't get free.

I still don't know how to feel about this. And I doubt I ever will know. So much has happened this year... it's pure insanity. Pure, complete, total insanity.

And that funeral... it was Memaw's house all over again. The noise, the laughter... the nobody wants to leave because we are talking at a scream.

The past 10 years have been long, and with her passing, a door has been closed that can never be re-opened. We still have Papaw... but Papaw without Memaw is like Jelly without Peanutbutter. You CAN have it, but it's just not right.

So we pass on, and I miss her, horribly miss Memaw.. but I'm also relieved. Relieved she never has to suffer anymore. And her life at this point was beyond pitiful. She was beyond ill...

I miss her, I miss her deeply... but we will continue on.

Cowgirl Out.

Sunday, January 29, 2017

Topic Study on Anger

It was an evening like any other as I peeked into some of my social networks to check in on a few things. As I opened a book reviewing group that I was a part of, I managed to stumble right in upon a political argument between a liberal... and a poor young Conservative who managed to say the wrong thing.

As I sat there and listened to the argument, I was struck not by what was being said, but how it was being said. The liberal in question was an individual that as a reviewer, I'd come to respect. But in the moment of great furry, it was like a bull in a China shop. And it was in this moment, I lost almost all respect I had for the individual, replacing that with pity that one could be gripped by such an evil task master as anger.

Anger; a monster that is planted in our heart like a seed, but if not dealt with can become a dragon that can take over one's life, relationships, and overall health.

I can't say I've been immune. While anger is one of those sins that gets under my skin faster than anything, being a more timid individual, it's also something that I can't say I've not let loose and ended up hurting someone I really care about. In fact, most of my worse injuries have come at the hands of my anger when I've let it go unchecked.

Proverbs 12:16 KJVA fool's wrath is presently known: but a prudent man covereth shame.

Psalm 37:8 KJVCease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.

Anger is an emotion like any other. Like a hammer, it's a tool God's given us. Jesus got angry, and ended up tossing a bunch of merchants out of the temple's yard. But that being said, it's also one of the most warned against things in the Bible.

Eph 4:26
Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

Happy people make the world betterBitter people make the world worse. (PreggerU)

In Church we've been studying Ephesians chapter four. And today we finished it up. And with the political situation... and some of the things I've seen, I thought I'd share what I've been learning.

Don't let the sun go down on your anger. Don't let it get a foothold... Why?

27Neither give place to the devil.

Becuase uncontrolled anger is a tool of the Devil. As a Christian, I need to be removing these thorns, not watering them. Allowing thorns to grow will destroy you.

If you are led by the spirit, you will not walk in the ways of the flesh. 

29Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

I think it's a universal thing; if someone is angry, they are far more likly to swear. In my area, it's far more common to hear people talk REALLY SLOW when they are upset, but I think that's because we are trying to not say something we regret. When you are angry, you say things you would otherwise regret.

30And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.

If you are a Christian, then... you are not your own! If you would not say it to God's face, then don't say it. If you don't' want your mom to find out, don't do it. If you wouldn't bring your bible to the place, Don't go. Because YOU are the temple of God. He LIVES inside you. Don't greave him. Let him work through, and in you.

Has anyone ever grieved you as much as you have done to God? How many times have they done it?

For as much as God has forgiven us, so we should also forgive one another. There is a curse that is attached to not forgiving.

Forgive as you have been forgiven.

31Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

Bitterness: resentful or cynical
Wrath: strong, stern, or fierce anger; deeply resentful indignation; ire.
Anger: a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.
Clamor: a vehement expression of desire or dissatisfaction:
Evil Speaking: Saying things that are wrong, hurtful, and wicked. Often in scripture such speaking is directed at a person with the specific intent to cause pain.
Malace: Revenge; the desire to get back at another person. 

But instead

32And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Don't forget, you too have grieved God, you have grieved your parents... it's a tall order, but in the long run, keeping a cool head will save you many grievances down the road.

Grace= Unworthy Favor, Pardon, a gift without earning it. 

Are you saved?

Then are you letting Anger rule, or have you put it away from you?

Are you grieving God?

Are you bitter?

Are indulging the flesh?

Or are you living in Faith?

If you are part of the light, then why do you live like the darkness? Why are you allowing the flesh to rule over you?

VK Out.

(PS: I apologize for the lack of refinement.)

Monday, January 16, 2017

Christmas: Round Last

Howdy Folks, So... technically Christmas ended a week ago... but... due to the fact I won a game... and then my health went on the fritz... I've only just now gotten to this. So without further Adu. Thank You Guys for the fun Christmas, it wasn't 'normal'... but I can't say it was horrible. 

This actually covers two parties. For the first: Mom's Side of the Family. 

From Papa! Money. (Which believe it or not, after two weeks I've not spent) 
From the "Breakable" Cousins. 

From Shi Thanks Cuz. You see that necklace! IT"S A HORSESHOE!

Next Party, which happened last Sunday. Christmas with family C. 

This actually covers all but 2 of the final items on my top ten wishlist. 

That Snowflake crossstitch is from my BFF. That mug was TWICE the size I was expecting. 

An internal speaker for my computer. And then earrings with V and K on them so I can wear VK during the summer months. 

Cranberry Fudge!... Oh and I got PJ's as well. Now if only it'll get cold so I can wear them.  

And From my editor "Teddy" 

This is one of my characters. It was awesome to finally have her drawn. It was done by my favorite artist: Foxenia Streams Here.

Monday, December 26, 2016

Christmas 2016 Part 2

So tonight's Christmas was with my Dad's side of the family... and yep, that meant I got to spend time with my family.

 I'll start off with a card I got.
Thanks T&M R
Now onto my loot

From Grandma and Grandpa. (DO I HAVE TO PICK A FAVORITE?)

From A.H. and U.T. and Cousin J. This lapdesk is for car trips. I love to draw in the car, and my desk is... HUGE. And is great for working on my bed, I needed something small. 
Last of the 'from mom and dad'. 

From Uncle Nate, Aunt M, and Cousins A. 

I love this one. Cowgirl's Rule... it's indeed love. Faith, Hope, love... but the greatest is indeed love. 

I just had to share the sheer size of this beauty! I collect fans. This one is my largest. and oh KISH I love it! 

Thank You everybody. 

Cowgirl Out

Sunday, December 25, 2016

Christmas 2016 Part One

First off, I want to say Merry Christmas everyone. I can't say this was my easiest Christmas... This is my first Christmas... I'm not home. And nor will I be going home. So it's been pretty tough. My family is coming to where I'm at tomorrow... but for today... it was tough. 

I started out my cheer with going with Mimi and Papa to a Candle Light service at at nearby church Christmas Eve night. Yeah, I needed it. And everyone, while they were leaving were gifted with my third most favorite flower; the Poinsettia! 😁

This morning, yep, we had church. Look at those suits! It was hard for me to not crack up listening to the message when you had THAT up there. At least Pastor was sane. But the look of horror on his face when he first spotted the other two. PRICELESS!

Now onto the gifts... up to today. I'll have more tomorrow. 

The whole lot so far. 

Thank You A.L!

Thanks Catty

Thanks Mrs. R

From my brother! (Yeah, this is something I've been wanting.)

From Kendra... Let's see what I can manage with this.
From Rue. Yep, I'll have to fix that other earring. I hope she didn't spend that much on it. (Honest, It'll be super simple. I just need my wire and tools.) 
From Mom and Dad

And two paintings from a friend. 

The pony is my Pony Persona. He did such a cute job on both of these. 

Well, I hope you all had a great day. 

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year.


Saturday, January 30, 2016

To The People Who Think They Know Me

I'm going to give you a bit of a disclaimer straight up; You Don't. 

You might have known me for an hour, or for a month, or maybe you've known me my entire life. Still, I say, you don't know me. 

I am a private person.

 I don't let people in often, and if you hurt me, you are not likely to be let in again. If you are, it's after a lot of work, and it will never be very far. If you hurt me twice, after I've let you back in, you are off my good side for just about forever. 

I don't mean to be rude here guys, but I tend to be a doormat. So this is a defense strategy I have. 

I don't like playing with people. 

I know most of you have already figured this out. The things I do for 'Fun' tend to be things I do ALONE. And if consider it 'fun' I don't want others in. Having other people involved turns it from 'fun' into work. And eventually ruins it all together. My ideal 'play' is very critical, and very pessimistic. At least, that is how you will see it. I have the most fun when I'm alone doing something that involves details.  Anglicizing, and learning, these two things are play to me. 

I know what you are feeling.

I am an INFJ; This means I'm an Introvert, iNtuitive, Feeler, Judger.  MOST of them are empaths. Strong emotions, like anger and frustration are easier for me to pick up and reflect than the more gentle emotions like amusement, and joy. 

I fish for reactions. I want to see how you will react to certain things. I don't even have to look at you if I know you well. This is one way I get to know people. I'll annoy your socks off the first couple of weeks. I'm just trying to figure you out. 

However, knowing what people are feeling, especially if it's strong, isn't just secluded to people I know well. Even if it is a complete stranger, if they are in a rotten mood I will reflect that. 

I don't try to do this, I don't want to do this. But it's something that I've done all my life. It is also something that makes me very tired very quickly.

If I like you, I'll check in on you. 

This is how I show love strongest; I make sure you are OK. I'll be the shoulder for you to cry on, I will help you through your problem. This is what the INFJ does best. I'll be the person who laughs with you over that stupid joke you wrote that makes zero sense. 

This also means, this is how I'm shown love. When I disappear, will you come find me? Will you pull me out of my pit of sorrow and help me walk tall again? Do you even care if I die? Or did you just forget about that promise you made earlier.  How often do you check in on me? I don't want things! I want a simple 'Hi!' once in a while. The conversation doesn't even have to be very long. Actually, I would prefer if it was shorter rather than longer. 

I prefer truth 

If you don't like me, then say it. I'll know if you don't like me. Remember, I know what you are feeling! Quit lying to me! I don't want you to tell me 'The Dress is beautiful" if you think it looks horrible. I might dismiss it, but by keeping your mouth shut, you are LOOSING points. NOT gaining them. But only tell me once. If   you are on my 'black list' then pestering me about it will only set the habit in stone. Because I'm TRYING to drive you nuts. 

Remember, I ignore people I don't like, so if you don't like me back, then you will leave me alone. 

I Prefer to Do Things For Myself.

Now, this isn't ALWAYS true, but unless I ask for help, I'd rather you just stay out of it. I want to be able to do things on my own, so I've very likely to jump in and listen and learn from you. 

But I'm VERY independent. This often comes off as over confidence. Trust me, it's different. I'm not a delicate wallflower. And I'm way more aware of what's around me than you will ever know.  

This does not mean I want your work as well. Nothing says 'I hate you' more than someone who leaves their work for me to do. Knowing, that because I'll come behind and just do it. Because that is how I say I love you. 

I am VERY tough on people, 

This is most especially true with myself. I still beat myself over the head with things I did when I was two. Every harsh saying you ever told me, I remember. I remember you saying I was a 'good for nothing' I remember you saying 'I don't measure up,' Even if you didn't mean it, since everything is attached to emotion, it is remembered forever. I don't hate you, but I'll hide myself from you because I don't want that again. 

My Memory isn't the best

I've had a head injury, this means I tend to forget what I'm doing from one moment to the next. I probably will never get better, but when I'm on a mission I'll often times brush people off. This may appear as being rude, but if you try to step in, no matter who you are, you will be ignored. I can't afford the brain power to even tell you what I'm doing. I will end up forgetting what it is, then have to go back to square one again. Then I'll be frustrated and you don't want to deal with me then. 

I don't like surprises

I like things orderly, I plan my life days, weeks, even YEARS in advance. I don't like things to disrupt that train of thought or derail my plan. For some people, I'll bend those rules. But you have to be a CLOSE friend for that to be true. 

I Don't Like Parties

The most dreaded word in the English language is 'Party'. This means I've got to dress up... which I don't exactly mind. Then I have to small talk with people... Small Talk... Or in other words, Gossip about what the sky is doing, about how health is doing, what the government is doing. Or the Sports team... In other words. It's a meaningless waste of my time. I go, I'm warn to a frazzle, then I go home and cry myself to sleep. Every. Single. Time. Then you expect me to talk to you the next day. I'm tired the next day LEAVE. ME. ALONE! 

I don't like parties, I have never liked parties! Not even my own! I've skipped parties over half my birthdays... And it's not because I did't earn it. I did not want it. 

I'd rather send a card, or call you and talk to you for five minuets. 

I can't eat cake. I can't have ice cream. And unless it's DARK Chocolate. I don't like candy. I get VERY sick when I do eat any of those. 

I am Allergic to Cats and Dogs

Most people brush this off, so let me tell you, THIS IS SERIOUS! Just standing in line at the store, with the person either in front, or behind me with either cat, or dog hair on their cloths, could, and very well might throw me into an asthma attack. 

A hug from such person can IMMEDIATELY cause the reaction. And very well might kill me. 

Entering a home, even if the house has been scrubbed and the pet is away, has sent me to the hospital many times. No, I won't outgrow this. If you have a pet, don't   invite me to your home if you like me. 

Let me explain to you an attack. First it feels like I'm breathing through a straw. First indication of this is I've locked my jaw and I'm concentrating breathing through my nose. That is my signal that I am struggling. Then it feels like 25-100 pounds of rice has just been dropped on my chest. The weight will slowly increase until loose consciousness. 

This normally happens only once, or twice a year. That however, does not mean I don't get slowed down, or bedridden for days because I can't breath. 

I have Sensory Possessing Disorder

This means noise, and unexpected touch REALLY bother me. When I overwhelm my senses, they start sending me completely opposite signals. I don't know which way is up. You touching me can feel like burning oil. 

ASK before you give me a hug. Don't just assume. And if I don't just hug you, don't take it personally. I protect myself by secluding myself from others during, and around an attack. 

If it involves being out after dark... don't ask. 

I get headaches from riding in the car after dark. Not only that, but my ability to deal with social problems ends around 5PM. I don't want to go. I want to be at home, and I want to be alone. 

Not having friends is OK

I'm an introvert. I don't need that many friends. In fact, I find friends a bother. In truth, MOST of the people I'm friends with, don't know me at all. Most INFJ relationships are one sided. I know about you, you know nothing about me. 

But that doesn't mean I don't get lonely 

Just because most of my friends I know them better than they know me, this does not mean I don't get lonely. When this happens, I want the people who are important to me to pay attention. 

How do you know if you are important to me?

  1. Do I listen to what you say?
  2. Do I contact you to contact you?
  3. Will I rework my schedule to work around yours?
  4. Do I help you when you are around?
  5. Have you ever gotten a surprise gift from me?
  6. Have I ever given you artwork?
  7. How about a craft?
  8. Do I let you touch me?
  9. Do I touch you?
  10. Do I allow you to cry on my shoulder?
  11. Have I ever invited you to my home?
  12. Do you know my dreams? Really? 
  13. Do you know what my fears are?
  14. How often to I bring you problems?
  15. How do I integrate your advice? Do I follow it? Or do I do the opposite. 
  16. Am I troubled when you give me something. 
  17. Do I tell you what I do, and Don't like about the gift?
  18. Am I honest with you?
These are most of the ways I show affection. 

This past year I've been striving to put away the mask. I've been striving to figure out who I am. Not Dazi, not Lilly, Not Kwren... not Jane Bigwig... but me. Who am I? I wear a mask for all of you. Different people see different 'mes'. In truth, none of them are completely real. None of you really know me. 

I'm a people pleaser. I'll do anything to keep others happy... even if it means making myself miserable. I've attempted suicide seven times because of this. NOBODY knew I even had a problem at the time. 

This also means I've had to get rid of friends. I've kicked people from my life. People who've been the worst at dictating what I do, and don't do. This is part of my growth as a person. It may seem sudden with me being so much older than most kid when they go through this. But my life was so rough then, I didn't have time to look inward. Neither did I want to. 

I have problems. I have a lot of problems. But unless you matter to me, I'm not going to allow you to just rule my life anymore. I've tried that. It did not work for me. 

To the people who think they know me. I'm going to tell you again. You do not know me. Why? Because all I ever showed you was a mask. You never, ever saw the real me. 

Will you see it now?  Who knows. It will depend on if you have my respect. If you do, I'll let you in, if you don't. Be patient. 

I'm not done with this road yet. It's hard to break 18 years of hiding behind a mask. You can't do it overnight. 

But I'm not my  sister. I'm not my mother. I'm not my Father- and I'm not you. 

I do not mean to be rude in any of this. But most of you, don't really know me. I am private, and I am sensitive. I prefer to WORK with people. I don't really like PLAYING with people. And in all honesty, you probably don't know 1%, even my closest friends,  of what I do for fun. Especially when it comes to my imagination. 

I am most at peace, when I am quiet, and alone. I find joy in the simple things, like a flower in a meadow. If you want to know who I am, get still, and feel the world around you. 

Do I like you? Have I ever sat beside you still and quiet completely at peace. 

VK out. 

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

How to write an Essay.

Greetings everyone, today I am going to attempt to teach you guys how to write an essay. Since I started following people and reading blogs I have noticed that the majority of the youngsters haven't a CLUE on even the ABC's of this fine art. Essay writing is far different than fiction writing because there is no conversation in it, (usually) nor is it supposed to be all that creative. Essays are for stating facts, nothing more nothing less.
I have been writing essays since I was nine years old. I really wish I could have found my very first essay to share with you. However, after searching high, and low, I came up empty handed. I am assuming it is in my school paper box from that year, because that notebook defiantly isn't in my room. Although I do remember it. The essay was on honesty. It got to about 50 words then quit. Kat's got to around 75 words then also quit, Glitter's pushed to 200 then also just quit. Can you guess what I consider the hardest thing? Closing, Yep. (This, I would normally take out because it is a rabbit trail, but for education purposes I shall leave it in.)
To write a good essay you must first sit down and decide on what your topic is. For, without a topic, you will not have an essay. With Fiction writing you can just go fun with characters doing silly thing that dosen't move the plot along. However with Essay writing this is not the case. You have to sit down and think through the entire essay first. Whether you use the ABC system, the spider system, the tree diagram, or whatever.

Spider or mind map

Personally, I prefer to use the spider diagram. The others are nice, and I have used them. However, I find the spider diagram the easiest to use. So before I sit down to write an essay, I sit down with my spider diagram first, and mentally insert the topics into the different squares. Yes, I said Mentally. I hate writing things down, so I am a bit lazy and I just stare at the page talking myself through where I want to put what. This, I suppose, why I forget topics so often. Although, when I started writing essays I did always write everything down first in my diagram. (Which ever one I was assigned to try that essay.)
Once I have a basic outline I go jogging. I take off from my desk and room and head down the road to talk myself through my outline. (This is why I don't write it down.) For every 30 minuets I spend writing, I probably spend an hour thinking, and two, studying. So for this essay I sat down and once I had decided the basic outline of it, I jogged my road twice, (two miles) thinking through exactly what I wanted to say.
Then, I sleep on the idea. Honestly, you would probably get longer posts if I wrote them in the nighttime, but Length isn't the point. The point of the essay is to cover all the bases that you want to cover. It can be 10,000 words long, or 52, just as long as the topic you chose explains what it was the topic is about. Here it being essay writing.
Alright, so I have my diagram, I have thought through what I wanted to say, now is where this gets tricky, putting all those thoughts and ideas into words. Now it is time to write the first draft of your essay. Or as my sister puts it. 'Now it is time to get yourself a rough giraffe.' :facehoof: Let's ignore that for a second, So, I get up early, brush my hair, wash my face, sit down, pull up my word document, then panic? No, Sometimes I do panic if it is an essay that I really don't want to write, and haven't prepared well for. However, most of the time, I just start writing. I start with an introduction. Now, what is an introduction? Let's look at this word for a moment, intro, I know, in Latin means to enter, or inside. Duction... I don't know. Alright you don't know the meaning of a word. What do you do?
You look it up! It is alright to find during the coarse of your essay that you don't know the answer to something. That is what essay writing is all about, discovering answers. Alright so I go up there to the search engine and type in, Latin Dictionary. Since I look up Latin words all the time it immediately sends me over to My favorite place to look up these words. So I search and... come up with all these words but none of them are quite it. So, I back out and go to my other dictionary, Now over here, I can scroll down to the bottom and check to see where a word originated from. As I can see Introduction did originate in Latin. So that dictionary should have given me a definition. So I return to my Latin Dictionary and try again. This time I look more carefully at the words to see if I can figure out which one the root word Duction goes with... But wait! I see my problem now! Duction isn't a root word! tion is an suffix! So Duc is my root word here.
designate, declare intention of giving
I look this up and I immediately have an answer that makes sense. I know the suffix tion means 'state of being.' So I now can figure out what introduction means. It means (approximately) To enter, and declare intention of giving.' Now let's check the dictionary. Now reading through the dictionary definition I pretty much am spot on.
So, when I say I need to Introduce the topic. I am saying I need to enter and present. (you guys see that?) To put it in the terms of my pastor,
"Girl, ya got ta -step in, and say it! Then ya got ta tell it ta them again. And then, just to make sure they understand what ya said. Ya got ta say it to them a third time."
And even then do you miss something. :rainbowlaugh: Alright so you introduce the topic. Up there at the top I did so, so I won't go into this fine art a second time. I am at the B stage of my essay, the B-ody.
Now let's go into it. So, what is a body? It is where you present the argument, information, or whatever so others can understand the introduction. When I first started writing I almost never did anything other than bodies. I said what I wanted to say then got out of there.
Folks, that is not how you do it. A good body is where that outline comes in handy. I now, mentaly, glance through my essay outline checking off all the different things making sure I am where I want to be. Besides missing two points that I have decided is irrelevant. (Who taught me, and how often I do these things) I am exactly where I want to be in this essay.  
The body, in my opinion is the funnest part, because you get to go a bit wild, and, as long as you stay with your points you can do whatever you want. Not quite everything. I don't need to, at that word wild, go off into a tangent about cutting trees in the jungles of Africa! That would just be silly! You don't go off into bunny trails when working on your essay. One of the things I have learned from my English curriculum is how to spot bunny trails, and get rid of them. When you are writing an essay you need to avoid getting off topic. You need to hit your points, efficiently and cleanly. You need to pay attention to your outline, Whether it is a mental, or physical one.
Alright, so you are now done hitting all of your points. Now what? C-losing. The art of a good closing is to quickly hit everything you just said, paying close attention to what you said above. You quickly recap everything and then say farewell.
Alright, you have A-n introduction, A B-ody, and a C-losing. (ABC) You are done right! No, absolutely not. Remember we are still working with a ROUGH giraffe. Now it is time to really stretch your mind and think through everything you know about the English language and how it works. If you can, find yourself a proof reader and/or editor to help you. Let them read over it and point out any flaws in what you just wrote. For me, This is my sister, mother, or grandmother. For blogs getting an editor isn't a must, however most of my essays are for school, and are the entity of my English, and History grades. So when I write I make sure it is as clean as I can get it to make sure I don't get a C or D in those classes. Now, I go back up to the top and read down through everything that I have written checking grammar, spelling, and content.
Alright, Now, i have written the essay, I have a clean, informative introduction, a Efficient body, and conclusive closing. I have sat down and double checked for erros, I have sent it off for editing, I'm done right? Yep, Pretty much. Now, You have to double check your title.
What? double check my title? WHY? Very simply folks, You might have the best essay in the world, but unless it matches the title that you give it, you will never get a good grade. This essay is on how to write an essay. Did I accomplish that? Well... Let me see, As far as how I write essays, it does a good job, however not everyone thinks the same way I do. This is simply my opinion! This whole thing is how I write essays. True I have been doing it for eight years, I have tried may methods, read many books, and have a lot of facts. However the fact of the matter is, this is still only really covering how I do it, because the other methods didn't work for me, I only touched on them.
Alright, knowing that, I read back down through keeping everything I know, everything I have learned, in mind as I think about the title, and essay all the while. Does the title do a good job at capping what the essay is about? I did say how to write. I put in things that the school books teach, so will I change my title from 'How to write an essay,' to 'How do I write Essays'?
No, because an essay is all about showing your point of view, in a clean, informative manner. If someone disagrees, they should write their own, and share it. Or, politely show their point of view to the author of the Essay.
Alright, Now, I have written it, checked my ABC's, grammar, and spelling. I have thought of the title and essay as a whole, I am ready to publish.
So, folks, I hope this helps all of you when trying to write. This is just essay writing, There are many other forms, and in the blogging community they are all, alright. The job of a blog is to share your opinions and ideas, and to help you grow as a writer, and eventually, author. I hope you enjoyed reading about what I do in writing essays. I'll see you all soon, 
V. Kathie Ardnek. 

Monday, December 15, 2014

Word Study; Tolerance.


As Most of you know, The last few days I have been going around asking for definitions for the word Tolerance. Why? Because this word kept getting SHOVED in my face and I hadn't a clue what it meant. I would hear someone cry 'tolerance' and immediately I would get a bad taste in my mouth. Why? Because in my mind this is what it meant.

[quote]Tolerance in today’s culture seems to mean accepting anyone & their ideas and habits as long as they’re not Christian, or Christian based. [/quote] (From a member in my church)

But that is what I thought. When I came up with the idea for this word study it was going to be a rant. For I thought it was a synonym to 'approval.' I did not realize that, that is not what it meant at all. Now let's look at the word.

The word Tollo in Latin means-

[quote] Definitions:
lift, raise
remove, steal
take/lift up/away[/quote]

So Tolerance, the beginning means, simply to remove. Remove what?

The second half 'erance' I looked up and the closest I could find was the word 'ancepts' which means,

[quote]ADJ Definitions:
faces two/opposite directions/fronts
two headed/fold/edged/meanings

So very simply the word actually means to remove the opposite directions. Now honestly this surprised me! Remove the opposite directions? Really!

Up until yesterday whenever I heard the Tolerance. The verse 'Judge not lest ye be judged' popped into my head. Not anymore. Now I hear 'Be ye kind, one to another, Tender hearted forgiving one another. Even as God for Christ sake hat forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

Now let's look at a dictionary. My personal favorite to use is this one.

[quote] 1 A fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, beliefs, practices, racial or ethnic origins, etc., differ from one's own; freedom from bigotry.[/quote] (The link takes you to the whole definition.)

Hum, This word is really shaping into more than what I thought it was. Now I also went around and asked what some of my friends thought this word meant. Some of you decided to go look it up, and I thank all of you who did. Though I wanted it in your own words. The first one to send it back to me was Sir Kestrel. Who said.

[quote]Tolerance, to me, means being able to understand other points of view, even if they're different from your own. It's a process where people come to cope with each other. If we don't tolerate, then we choose hate instead and become a lesser people.[/quote]

With his being the first to come in it probably hit me the hardest. As I said Tolerance to me has always been somewhat of a dirty word. So for someone to say that tolerance helps us be better people really made me step back. As I said this originally was going to be a rant, but I have found that I have learned more during this word study than I have learned during any other. Almost to the point where it was difficult to actually do this post.

The next person to send it in was my dear Friend Crystal.

[quote]Having an opinion against someone's choice.. umm being fair and support ones option..[/quote]

Then Nobel;

[quote]To me the word Tolerance means respecting someone's actions or mannerisms and allowing them freedom for who they want to be.[/quote]

Then Sir CalmSir. Calm sent in his definition.

[quote]The strongest form of acceptance. Seeing and knowing things that you may not agree with, but not letting them sway your judgement of character. Unless the what you see has a direct negative effect on you or those around you... there is no need to speak out against it.[/quote]

Hum... Really. Honestly this is NOT the responses I was expecting. Not at all! Talk about don't check your brain at the door! Now I do say this word is still used WAY too often. Tolerance is a choice, It isn't a must. There are things I will tolerate, and there are things I won't. I will tolerate WJ putting her crafts on my art desk, but if Glitter or Zap try to take over I will have a fit. I like my arias neat and tidy.

Nobody HAS to tolerate anyone. We tolerate because we acknowledge the fact that-

[quote]Acknowledging that we are all different so will have different opinions. [/quote] (mom)

(My Pastor)

[quote]Tolerance is being willing to allow someone else hold a different view than you do. This would include religious, moral, political and other things people disagree about. Tolerating doesn't mean agreeing with or accepting a particular position. There are still right and wrong views. At least as God dictates it. A tolerant person will allow me to hold that position. [/quote]

If you want to read the rest of the definitions I got they are here.

Now to what started this;


I still don't understand how Tolerance has to do with being a brony. There are plenty of shows I like, and there are even more that I don't. Just because someone likes something, or doesn't shouldn't be any of our business. I know people tease. I could be crowned queen of teasing! However I don't understand what liking ponies, or super heroes, or anything else should be a good thing or a bad. I like watching Star Trek, and reading about battle strategies. Those are typically considered a boy things! I love getting dirty and have even been featured in the local news paper for playing with worms! I am a country bumpkin! And you know what, I consider it an HONOR whenever someone calls me a redneck. For that is what I am! I am a God fearing, dirty, redneck who likes the fine things of life, and understanding the way the world works. Is there anything wrong with that? No... Just like there isn't anything wrong for liking to stay clean, neat, and live in apartments.

We are all different, There are some opinions that are more right than others, but I have learned, that if you listen to both extremes on any given subject you will come close to understanding what truly happened. The importiant thing is to sit still and listen, to think before acting, and to understand the situation at hand. If I had done what I had originally planed to do. You all would be ranting on how WRONG I was in my opinion. For it was wrong. Tolerance isn't approving of what others believe or think, it is acknowledging the fact that we are different, and therefore are entitled to an option. It is like what Scotty said in 'Trouble with Tribbles.'

[quote]Easy Lad, Everyone is entitled to an opinion. [/quote]

This quote is immediately followed by the funniest fight scene EVER!

But in closing, I have learned much during this word study and plan to do another one soon. I am glad I have been taught to research, and therefore can look up to see what something means before I go on a rampage on a topic.

I want to thank all of you for reading, and if you have any more comments on this topic, don't be afraid to let me know. I will continue to add definitons to the word doc as long as I keep getting them. Till Next time.

V. Kathie Ardnek Out.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Dear Santa

I just realized that I am sitting at one week till my birthday,and even though I am not a party person, people still give me stuff. Currently my room is a pig sty and I do not want trinkets that will only hinder my efforts to clean my room.

Wish One: New Chair for my desk.

Wish Two: Chocolate 

That one isn't that hard to figure out so I won't bother with pictures. Favorite is Dark and mint.

Wish three and Four: Camera stuff

I am Really into photography and movie making so I need... 

SD 16 Gig-64 Gig cards

Batteries for my new Camera and a Charger for the batteries.

Wish five: Horse shirts

Wish Six: A Horse MUG 

I do not own a 'personal mug'

Wish Seven: Aroma defuzer 

Wish Eight: Poll barn for Rabbits/Chickens/ Goats 

Wish Nine: Hammock 

Wish Ten: Sleep ;)

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