Saturday, January 30, 2016

To The People Who Think They Know Me

I'm going to give you a bit of a disclaimer straight up; You Don't. 

You might have known me for an hour, or for a month, or maybe you've known me my entire life. Still, I say, you don't know me. 

I am a private person.

 I don't let people in often, and if you hurt me, you are not likely to be let in again. If you are, it's after a lot of work, and it will never be very far. If you hurt me twice, after I've let you back in, you are off my good side for just about forever. 

I don't mean to be rude here guys, but I tend to be a doormat. So this is a defense strategy I have. 

I don't like playing with people. 

I know most of you have already figured this out. The things I do for 'Fun' tend to be things I do ALONE. And if consider it 'fun' I don't want others in. Having other people involved turns it from 'fun' into work. And eventually ruins it all together. My ideal 'play' is very critical, and very pessimistic. At least, that is how you will see it. I have the most fun when I'm alone doing something that involves details.  Anglicizing, and learning, these two things are play to me. 

I know what you are feeling.

I am an INFJ; This means I'm an Introvert, iNtuitive, Feeler, Judger.  MOST of them are empaths. Strong emotions, like anger and frustration are easier for me to pick up and reflect than the more gentle emotions like amusement, and joy. 

I fish for reactions. I want to see how you will react to certain things. I don't even have to look at you if I know you well. This is one way I get to know people. I'll annoy your socks off the first couple of weeks. I'm just trying to figure you out. 

However, knowing what people are feeling, especially if it's strong, isn't just secluded to people I know well. Even if it is a complete stranger, if they are in a rotten mood I will reflect that. 

I don't try to do this, I don't want to do this. But it's something that I've done all my life. It is also something that makes me very tired very quickly.

If I like you, I'll check in on you. 

This is how I show love strongest; I make sure you are OK. I'll be the shoulder for you to cry on, I will help you through your problem. This is what the INFJ does best. I'll be the person who laughs with you over that stupid joke you wrote that makes zero sense. 

This also means, this is how I'm shown love. When I disappear, will you come find me? Will you pull me out of my pit of sorrow and help me walk tall again? Do you even care if I die? Or did you just forget about that promise you made earlier.  How often do you check in on me? I don't want things! I want a simple 'Hi!' once in a while. The conversation doesn't even have to be very long. Actually, I would prefer if it was shorter rather than longer. 

I prefer truth 

If you don't like me, then say it. I'll know if you don't like me. Remember, I know what you are feeling! Quit lying to me! I don't want you to tell me 'The Dress is beautiful" if you think it looks horrible. I might dismiss it, but by keeping your mouth shut, you are LOOSING points. NOT gaining them. But only tell me once. If   you are on my 'black list' then pestering me about it will only set the habit in stone. Because I'm TRYING to drive you nuts. 

Remember, I ignore people I don't like, so if you don't like me back, then you will leave me alone. 

I Prefer to Do Things For Myself.

Now, this isn't ALWAYS true, but unless I ask for help, I'd rather you just stay out of it. I want to be able to do things on my own, so I've very likely to jump in and listen and learn from you. 

But I'm VERY independent. This often comes off as over confidence. Trust me, it's different. I'm not a delicate wallflower. And I'm way more aware of what's around me than you will ever know.  

This does not mean I want your work as well. Nothing says 'I hate you' more than someone who leaves their work for me to do. Knowing, that because I'll come behind and just do it. Because that is how I say I love you. 

I am VERY tough on people, 

This is most especially true with myself. I still beat myself over the head with things I did when I was two. Every harsh saying you ever told me, I remember. I remember you saying I was a 'good for nothing' I remember you saying 'I don't measure up,' Even if you didn't mean it, since everything is attached to emotion, it is remembered forever. I don't hate you, but I'll hide myself from you because I don't want that again. 

My Memory isn't the best

I've had a head injury, this means I tend to forget what I'm doing from one moment to the next. I probably will never get better, but when I'm on a mission I'll often times brush people off. This may appear as being rude, but if you try to step in, no matter who you are, you will be ignored. I can't afford the brain power to even tell you what I'm doing. I will end up forgetting what it is, then have to go back to square one again. Then I'll be frustrated and you don't want to deal with me then. 

I don't like surprises

I like things orderly, I plan my life days, weeks, even YEARS in advance. I don't like things to disrupt that train of thought or derail my plan. For some people, I'll bend those rules. But you have to be a CLOSE friend for that to be true. 

I Don't Like Parties

The most dreaded word in the English language is 'Party'. This means I've got to dress up... which I don't exactly mind. Then I have to small talk with people... Small Talk... Or in other words, Gossip about what the sky is doing, about how health is doing, what the government is doing. Or the Sports team... In other words. It's a meaningless waste of my time. I go, I'm warn to a frazzle, then I go home and cry myself to sleep. Every. Single. Time. Then you expect me to talk to you the next day. I'm tired the next day LEAVE. ME. ALONE! 

I don't like parties, I have never liked parties! Not even my own! I've skipped parties over half my birthdays... And it's not because I did't earn it. I did not want it. 

I'd rather send a card, or call you and talk to you for five minuets. 

I can't eat cake. I can't have ice cream. And unless it's DARK Chocolate. I don't like candy. I get VERY sick when I do eat any of those. 

I am Allergic to Cats and Dogs

Most people brush this off, so let me tell you, THIS IS SERIOUS! Just standing in line at the store, with the person either in front, or behind me with either cat, or dog hair on their cloths, could, and very well might throw me into an asthma attack. 

A hug from such person can IMMEDIATELY cause the reaction. And very well might kill me. 

Entering a home, even if the house has been scrubbed and the pet is away, has sent me to the hospital many times. No, I won't outgrow this. If you have a pet, don't   invite me to your home if you like me. 

Let me explain to you an attack. First it feels like I'm breathing through a straw. First indication of this is I've locked my jaw and I'm concentrating breathing through my nose. That is my signal that I am struggling. Then it feels like 25-100 pounds of rice has just been dropped on my chest. The weight will slowly increase until loose consciousness. 

This normally happens only once, or twice a year. That however, does not mean I don't get slowed down, or bedridden for days because I can't breath. 

I have Sensory Possessing Disorder

This means noise, and unexpected touch REALLY bother me. When I overwhelm my senses, they start sending me completely opposite signals. I don't know which way is up. You touching me can feel like burning oil. 

ASK before you give me a hug. Don't just assume. And if I don't just hug you, don't take it personally. I protect myself by secluding myself from others during, and around an attack. 

If it involves being out after dark... don't ask. 

I get headaches from riding in the car after dark. Not only that, but my ability to deal with social problems ends around 5PM. I don't want to go. I want to be at home, and I want to be alone. 

Not having friends is OK

I'm an introvert. I don't need that many friends. In fact, I find friends a bother. In truth, MOST of the people I'm friends with, don't know me at all. Most INFJ relationships are one sided. I know about you, you know nothing about me. 

But that doesn't mean I don't get lonely 

Just because most of my friends I know them better than they know me, this does not mean I don't get lonely. When this happens, I want the people who are important to me to pay attention. 

How do you know if you are important to me?

  1. Do I listen to what you say?
  2. Do I contact you to contact you?
  3. Will I rework my schedule to work around yours?
  4. Do I help you when you are around?
  5. Have you ever gotten a surprise gift from me?
  6. Have I ever given you artwork?
  7. How about a craft?
  8. Do I let you touch me?
  9. Do I touch you?
  10. Do I allow you to cry on my shoulder?
  11. Have I ever invited you to my home?
  12. Do you know my dreams? Really? 
  13. Do you know what my fears are?
  14. How often to I bring you problems?
  15. How do I integrate your advice? Do I follow it? Or do I do the opposite. 
  16. Am I troubled when you give me something. 
  17. Do I tell you what I do, and Don't like about the gift?
  18. Am I honest with you?
These are most of the ways I show affection. 

This past year I've been striving to put away the mask. I've been striving to figure out who I am. Not Dazi, not Lilly, Not Kwren... not Jane Bigwig... but me. Who am I? I wear a mask for all of you. Different people see different 'mes'. In truth, none of them are completely real. None of you really know me. 

I'm a people pleaser. I'll do anything to keep others happy... even if it means making myself miserable. I've attempted suicide seven times because of this. NOBODY knew I even had a problem at the time. 

This also means I've had to get rid of friends. I've kicked people from my life. People who've been the worst at dictating what I do, and don't do. This is part of my growth as a person. It may seem sudden with me being so much older than most kid when they go through this. But my life was so rough then, I didn't have time to look inward. Neither did I want to. 

I have problems. I have a lot of problems. But unless you matter to me, I'm not going to allow you to just rule my life anymore. I've tried that. It did not work for me. 

To the people who think they know me. I'm going to tell you again. You do not know me. Why? Because all I ever showed you was a mask. You never, ever saw the real me. 

Will you see it now?  Who knows. It will depend on if you have my respect. If you do, I'll let you in, if you don't. Be patient. 

I'm not done with this road yet. It's hard to break 18 years of hiding behind a mask. You can't do it overnight. 

But I'm not my  sister. I'm not my mother. I'm not my Father- and I'm not you. 

I do not mean to be rude in any of this. But most of you, don't really know me. I am private, and I am sensitive. I prefer to WORK with people. I don't really like PLAYING with people. And in all honesty, you probably don't know 1%, even my closest friends,  of what I do for fun. Especially when it comes to my imagination. 

I am most at peace, when I am quiet, and alone. I find joy in the simple things, like a flower in a meadow. If you want to know who I am, get still, and feel the world around you. 

Do I like you? Have I ever sat beside you still and quiet completely at peace. 

VK out. 

Monday, August 17, 2015

Is Depression a Sin?

As many of you know, I've struggled with depression for almost half my life. I've attempted suicide a number of times. I've felt alone, and betrayed more often than I can count. Not wanting to drag them with me, I've pushed my family, my friends, and my neighbors away.

This being said; is depression a sin? To live like this a violation of God's laws, and an offence against the cross? It is said, Christians are some of the few groups that shoot their wounded. Is this also a sin?

Now understand, I'm not saying sadness is a sin, nor being upset, nor even being afraid. Each person's reason for being depressed is different, and if you are, you should seek help. You need  to find someone to be accountable to, and someone you trust that you can turn to and talk with.

Depression comes in many colors, shapes, forms, and reasons. A few are 'guilt depression' Something happened and you feel guilty and therefore not worth anyone's time (This is what I have, and had.) 'Security Depression.'  Where you've been betrayed and therefore, feel nobody can be trusted.  'Pressure Depression' The world has become to big, and you can't deal with it anymore. And there are many, many more. (Please understand, I've not taken Psychology yet, so if any of the terms is wrong, that's why.)

But the fact is, depression exists, and it can exist for a VERY long time. Whatever the cause, it's part of many of our lives. For some of us it's all in our heads, other's it's because of illness, others it's little more than they have too much to do, and they don't know where to begin. But I still stand it's a sin. Why? Hold on, I'm getting to it.

April 14, 2013 was the turning point in my depression. The day I had to face 9 of my top 10 fears... and lost more than you guys could even imagine. And this was my turning point? It's strange, it's weird... But it's the day I quit putting band-aids on my depression, and started not only seeking help, but turning to God for answers.

What happened that April day? Well, I fainted. Why? We still don't know. It's a medical mystery that I'm still trying to figure out. Exhaustion, low blood sugar, dehydration, and  possible CO2 poisoning were all contributors. But that is beside the point, I fainted, and suddenly found myself on 12 weeks with NOTHING to do. I could read, I could write, but I wasn't allowed to go anywhere alone, or do any sort of lifting or moving. I had injured my back and had a mild concussion.

And this was the turning point in my depression?

Well, yeah. As I said, I used band aids, it's not the day I finally got rid of it, I am still not cured. But it's the day I finally started dealing with it. I was afraid, I was unsure, and I was lost. Horribly and completely lost. You could also say it was the darkest day of my life, but I've been so near death with my asthma, that would not be true.

So, is depression a sin? Let's look at it. What is Depression? Depression is the state of extreme, crushing despair. Sometimes it is brief, other times it lasts for months, years, or even longer.

My first clue that it was came from Galatians. The fruit of the spirit to be exact. Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control. Against such, there is no law.

[quote](Galatians 5:22-23) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.[/quote]

Notice number two, Joy. Christians are called to be filled with joy, unexplainable, nonsurpassable Joy. Joy that flows from us into the world around us. To me, that sounds like the opposite of depression. Depression is like a crushing weight, that crushes people. Joy is something from within that pushes against that crushing weight.

"Anything that happens now, Couldn't change the way I feel. Everything will be alright, All that stuff is no big deal. (No Big Deal. Song I like to listen to.)"

Another clue I got was from a saying that goes around churches.

"Adam ate the fruit, Noah got drunk, Moses struck the rock (or had a temper, depends), Rehab was a prostitute, David had an affair, [b][u][i]Elijah was depressed[/i][/u][/b] Peter was stubborn, Paul was a murderer, and Thomas doubted."

Elijah was depressed? DEPRESSED! Why did that get into the list with all those horrible, horrible sins? Depression isn't a sin? Is it?

This is what got me thinking, praying and searching. That year, I decided that instead of just reading through the Bible just to read through the Bible. This time I'd go through with the intent to seek out five things.

1. God's love shown to people who don't deserve it.

2. People who hit hard times, and sunk to rock bottom and couldn't come back up.

3. People who died, or were killed in the Bible. Pacifically looking for the cause being depression.

4. Proverbs dealing with depression.

5. How people handled being punished for wrong doing, and their reactions, and the reactions of the people around them.

I can't find my notes. But there were a few places that jumped out at me. First off, did you know, God recorded Cain's ENTIRE genealogy? The guy that killed Able his brother. God not only put a mark on him, but then recorded his son's names and how long they all lived! (Genesis Chapter 4 starting in verse 17) This was an eyeopening passage on just how much God cared. Did Cain sin? Yes. Did he deserve death right then and there? Absolutely, under the law. (Remember, this is before the law. So he wasn't held accountable to it.) Cain's line didn't last as long as Seth's did, but it was recorded.

Another place was the story of Job. Remember, I've had some pretty rough years. So for me, Job has always been a comfort. The story, summarized goes like this.

"Satan goes to God, to point out the flaws of the people on earth. (Scary, right?) and God points to Job and says, "Have you noticed my servant Job?" Satan said that he had, but then adds, "But if you didn't give him so much, he'd hate you, and curse you to your face." So God allows Satan to take everything from him. Sheep, cattle, camels, servants, home, even his children. He is upset, but Job still praises God saying, "The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the LORD. So Satan goes back before God, this time requesting to take even Job's heath from him. God Permits it, and next thing we know Job is sitting in ashes, his body covered head to toe in boils, (Much like Zits, but worse) his wife has left him, and his 'friends' are now punishing him as well. God finally shows up, God gives Job questions that kinda answer themselves. Then Job gets double everything he lost (Except for kids, he gets 10 more Same amount he had prior.) God rebukes the 'friends' Job forgives them (Bit more to it). And they all live Happily ever after, (As far as we know)"

The book is 42 chapters, so that is a VERY brief outline. I find it ironic, that with everything that happens, it's because Job was doing the [i]right[/i] thing that he was tested, not because he was doing something wrong.

Elijah I already mentioned is another story that is a great comfort to me. Not only because of what happened, but how God dealt with his depression.

"It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers."

"10And he said, I have been very zealous for the Lord God of hosts: for the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away."

"11And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake:
12And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice."

God wasn't in the wind, he wasn't in the earthquack, he wasn't even in the fire. Three great forces of might he had used in the past. But this time, he caused it, he wasn't in it. Finally a voice. Elijah knew God's power. Elijah knew of God's might, he didn't need to be frightened by God in his depression, he needed comfort. He needed to know he wasn't alone.

"17And it shall come to pass, that him that escapeth the sword of Hazael shall Jehu slay: and him that escapeth from the sword of Jehu shall Elisha slay.
18Yet I have left me seven thousand in Israel, all the knees which have not bowed unto Baal, and every mouth which hath not kissed him."

You aren't alone... I am here, and there are seven thousand other Israelites with you. In this day and age with all the sin, and vile so publicly portrayed, this should be a comfort to us who have kept ourselves pure and blameless before God; we are not alone. Our numbers are few, but we are not alone.

"Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones."

This verse as well has been a comfort. Mostly because I have a goofy song to go with it that makes me just laugh and laugh.

Jonah is another story. He was depressed because life didn't go his way. And we don't know, but I think he actually did finally accomplished taking his own life in the end. The story ends with a rebuke, we know nothing past it. But it's a great reminder to us all.

"9And God said to Jonah, Doest thou well to be angry for the gourd? And he said, I do well to be angry, even unto death.
10Then said the Lord, Thou hast had pity on the gourd, for the which thou hast not laboured, neither madest it grow; which came up in a night, and perished in a night:
11And should not I spare Nineveh, that great city, wherein are more than sixscore thousand persons that cannot discern between their right hand and their left hand; and also much cattle?"

Just for the record, one-hundred years later, the city of Nineveh was destroyed because when the second messenger was sent, the people didn't repent. But Jonah's attitude was wrong. I fear that too often our own attitude to our very neighbors reflect more of Jonah's, not Jesus's nor Job's. Who felt compassion towards sinners. Jonah just wanted them dead.

Is Depression a sin? Yes. I fully believe that long term depression is a sin. Our troubles are to be cast onto Jesus, we were never intended to deal with them on our own.

"(1 Peter 5:7)Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."

Depression is a fruit of not allowing God to work in your life. It's a fruit of not trusting his will for you. Does life get hard? Yes. Will we get upset? Absolutely, it's only human nature. I stand by this idea.

"All emotion is simply that, emotion. Neither good nor bad. However, all emotion can be used for either good, or bad. And it's not the emotion that is the sin. But the way we treat it and handle it. "

So, if your friend is depressed or if you are depressed, how do you handle it?

First off, Go to God. Let him know about it. (I know, God knows about everything. But he won't do anything till you ask for the assistance. If he forced it out of you, he'd be a dictator, not a loving, caring God.) Then go to your Pastor, or a Christian you trust. I've lived so many years in depression, and it took finding someone to be accountable to for me to learn how to handle it. Third, let your family know. It's too easy to just wear a mask. It's too simple to just hold it in. But unless you let the infection out the wound can't heal. Fourth, read the Bible as I did. There are very dry passages that don't help at all. But believe me, the parts that do will be well worth it.

Just remember, God Loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life. It doesn't matter where you have been, or what you have done. God wants to be your Daddy, and help you get through this.

Till Next Time.

V. Kathie Out

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

How to write an Essay.

Greetings everyone, today I am going to attempt to teach you guys how to write an essay. Since I started following people and reading blogs I have noticed that the majority of the youngsters haven't a CLUE on even the ABC's of this fine art. Essay writing is far different than fiction writing because there is no conversation in it, (usually) nor is it supposed to be all that creative. Essays are for stating facts, nothing more nothing less.
I have been writing essays since I was nine years old. I really wish I could have found my very first essay to share with you. However, after searching high, and low, I came up empty handed. I am assuming it is in my school paper box from that year, because that notebook defiantly isn't in my room. Although I do remember it. The essay was on honesty. It got to about 50 words then quit. Kat's got to around 75 words then also quit, Glitter's pushed to 200 then also just quit. Can you guess what I consider the hardest thing? Closing, Yep. (This, I would normally take out because it is a rabbit trail, but for education purposes I shall leave it in.)
To write a good essay you must first sit down and decide on what your topic is. For, without a topic, you will not have an essay. With Fiction writing you can just go fun with characters doing silly thing that dosen't move the plot along. However with Essay writing this is not the case. You have to sit down and think through the entire essay first. Whether you use the ABC system, the spider system, the tree diagram, or whatever.

Spider or mind map

Personally, I prefer to use the spider diagram. The others are nice, and I have used them. However, I find the spider diagram the easiest to use. So before I sit down to write an essay, I sit down with my spider diagram first, and mentally insert the topics into the different squares. Yes, I said Mentally. I hate writing things down, so I am a bit lazy and I just stare at the page talking myself through where I want to put what. This, I suppose, why I forget topics so often. Although, when I started writing essays I did always write everything down first in my diagram. (Which ever one I was assigned to try that essay.)
Once I have a basic outline I go jogging. I take off from my desk and room and head down the road to talk myself through my outline. (This is why I don't write it down.) For every 30 minuets I spend writing, I probably spend an hour thinking, and two, studying. So for this essay I sat down and once I had decided the basic outline of it, I jogged my road twice, (two miles) thinking through exactly what I wanted to say.
Then, I sleep on the idea. Honestly, you would probably get longer posts if I wrote them in the nighttime, but Length isn't the point. The point of the essay is to cover all the bases that you want to cover. It can be 10,000 words long, or 52, just as long as the topic you chose explains what it was the topic is about. Here it being essay writing.
Alright, so I have my diagram, I have thought through what I wanted to say, now is where this gets tricky, putting all those thoughts and ideas into words. Now it is time to write the first draft of your essay. Or as my sister puts it. 'Now it is time to get yourself a rough giraffe.' :facehoof: Let's ignore that for a second, So, I get up early, brush my hair, wash my face, sit down, pull up my word document, then panic? No, Sometimes I do panic if it is an essay that I really don't want to write, and haven't prepared well for. However, most of the time, I just start writing. I start with an introduction. Now, what is an introduction? Let's look at this word for a moment, intro, I know, in Latin means to enter, or inside. Duction... I don't know. Alright you don't know the meaning of a word. What do you do?
You look it up! It is alright to find during the coarse of your essay that you don't know the answer to something. That is what essay writing is all about, discovering answers. Alright so I go up there to the search engine and type in, Latin Dictionary. Since I look up Latin words all the time it immediately sends me over to My favorite place to look up these words. So I search and... come up with all these words but none of them are quite it. So, I back out and go to my other dictionary, Now over here, I can scroll down to the bottom and check to see where a word originated from. As I can see Introduction did originate in Latin. So that dictionary should have given me a definition. So I return to my Latin Dictionary and try again. This time I look more carefully at the words to see if I can figure out which one the root word Duction goes with... But wait! I see my problem now! Duction isn't a root word! tion is an suffix! So Duc is my root word here.
designate, declare intention of giving
I look this up and I immediately have an answer that makes sense. I know the suffix tion means 'state of being.' So I now can figure out what introduction means. It means (approximately) To enter, and declare intention of giving.' Now let's check the dictionary. Now reading through the dictionary definition I pretty much am spot on.
So, when I say I need to Introduce the topic. I am saying I need to enter and present. (you guys see that?) To put it in the terms of my pastor,
"Girl, ya got ta -step in, and say it! Then ya got ta tell it ta them again. And then, just to make sure they understand what ya said. Ya got ta say it to them a third time."
And even then do you miss something. :rainbowlaugh: Alright so you introduce the topic. Up there at the top I did so, so I won't go into this fine art a second time. I am at the B stage of my essay, the B-ody.
Now let's go into it. So, what is a body? It is where you present the argument, information, or whatever so others can understand the introduction. When I first started writing I almost never did anything other than bodies. I said what I wanted to say then got out of there.
Folks, that is not how you do it. A good body is where that outline comes in handy. I now, mentaly, glance through my essay outline checking off all the different things making sure I am where I want to be. Besides missing two points that I have decided is irrelevant. (Who taught me, and how often I do these things) I am exactly where I want to be in this essay.  
The body, in my opinion is the funnest part, because you get to go a bit wild, and, as long as you stay with your points you can do whatever you want. Not quite everything. I don't need to, at that word wild, go off into a tangent about cutting trees in the jungles of Africa! That would just be silly! You don't go off into bunny trails when working on your essay. One of the things I have learned from my English curriculum is how to spot bunny trails, and get rid of them. When you are writing an essay you need to avoid getting off topic. You need to hit your points, efficiently and cleanly. You need to pay attention to your outline, Whether it is a mental, or physical one.
Alright, so you are now done hitting all of your points. Now what? C-losing. The art of a good closing is to quickly hit everything you just said, paying close attention to what you said above. You quickly recap everything and then say farewell.
Alright, you have A-n introduction, A B-ody, and a C-losing. (ABC) You are done right! No, absolutely not. Remember we are still working with a ROUGH giraffe. Now it is time to really stretch your mind and think through everything you know about the English language and how it works. If you can, find yourself a proof reader and/or editor to help you. Let them read over it and point out any flaws in what you just wrote. For me, This is my sister, mother, or grandmother. For blogs getting an editor isn't a must, however most of my essays are for school, and are the entity of my English, and History grades. So when I write I make sure it is as clean as I can get it to make sure I don't get a C or D in those classes. Now, I go back up to the top and read down through everything that I have written checking grammar, spelling, and content.
Alright, Now, i have written the essay, I have a clean, informative introduction, a Efficient body, and conclusive closing. I have sat down and double checked for erros, I have sent it off for editing, I'm done right? Yep, Pretty much. Now, You have to double check your title.
What? double check my title? WHY? Very simply folks, You might have the best essay in the world, but unless it matches the title that you give it, you will never get a good grade. This essay is on how to write an essay. Did I accomplish that? Well... Let me see, As far as how I write essays, it does a good job, however not everyone thinks the same way I do. This is simply my opinion! This whole thing is how I write essays. True I have been doing it for eight years, I have tried may methods, read many books, and have a lot of facts. However the fact of the matter is, this is still only really covering how I do it, because the other methods didn't work for me, I only touched on them.
Alright, knowing that, I read back down through keeping everything I know, everything I have learned, in mind as I think about the title, and essay all the while. Does the title do a good job at capping what the essay is about? I did say how to write. I put in things that the school books teach, so will I change my title from 'How to write an essay,' to 'How do I write Essays'?
No, because an essay is all about showing your point of view, in a clean, informative manner. If someone disagrees, they should write their own, and share it. Or, politely show their point of view to the author of the Essay.
Alright, Now, I have written it, checked my ABC's, grammar, and spelling. I have thought of the title and essay as a whole, I am ready to publish.
So, folks, I hope this helps all of you when trying to write. This is just essay writing, There are many other forms, and in the blogging community they are all, alright. The job of a blog is to share your opinions and ideas, and to help you grow as a writer, and eventually, author. I hope you enjoyed reading about what I do in writing essays. I'll see you all soon, 
V. Kathie Ardnek. 

Monday, December 15, 2014

Word Study; Tolerance.


As Most of you know, The last few days I have been going around asking for definitions for the word Tolerance. Why? Because this word kept getting SHOVED in my face and I hadn't a clue what it meant. I would hear someone cry 'tolerance' and immediately I would get a bad taste in my mouth. Why? Because in my mind this is what it meant.

[quote]Tolerance in today’s culture seems to mean accepting anyone & their ideas and habits as long as they’re not Christian, or Christian based. [/quote] (From a member in my church)

But that is what I thought. When I came up with the idea for this word study it was going to be a rant. For I thought it was a synonym to 'approval.' I did not realize that, that is not what it meant at all. Now let's look at the word.

The word Tollo in Latin means-

[quote] Definitions:
lift, raise
remove, steal
take/lift up/away[/quote]

So Tolerance, the beginning means, simply to remove. Remove what?

The second half 'erance' I looked up and the closest I could find was the word 'ancepts' which means,

[quote]ADJ Definitions:
faces two/opposite directions/fronts
two headed/fold/edged/meanings

So very simply the word actually means to remove the opposite directions. Now honestly this surprised me! Remove the opposite directions? Really!

Up until yesterday whenever I heard the Tolerance. The verse 'Judge not lest ye be judged' popped into my head. Not anymore. Now I hear 'Be ye kind, one to another, Tender hearted forgiving one another. Even as God for Christ sake hat forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

Now let's look at a dictionary. My personal favorite to use is this one.

[quote] 1 A fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, beliefs, practices, racial or ethnic origins, etc., differ from one's own; freedom from bigotry.[/quote] (The link takes you to the whole definition.)

Hum, This word is really shaping into more than what I thought it was. Now I also went around and asked what some of my friends thought this word meant. Some of you decided to go look it up, and I thank all of you who did. Though I wanted it in your own words. The first one to send it back to me was Sir Kestrel. Who said.

[quote]Tolerance, to me, means being able to understand other points of view, even if they're different from your own. It's a process where people come to cope with each other. If we don't tolerate, then we choose hate instead and become a lesser people.[/quote]

With his being the first to come in it probably hit me the hardest. As I said Tolerance to me has always been somewhat of a dirty word. So for someone to say that tolerance helps us be better people really made me step back. As I said this originally was going to be a rant, but I have found that I have learned more during this word study than I have learned during any other. Almost to the point where it was difficult to actually do this post.

The next person to send it in was my dear Friend Crystal.

[quote]Having an opinion against someone's choice.. umm being fair and support ones option..[/quote]

Then Nobel;

[quote]To me the word Tolerance means respecting someone's actions or mannerisms and allowing them freedom for who they want to be.[/quote]

Then Sir CalmSir. Calm sent in his definition.

[quote]The strongest form of acceptance. Seeing and knowing things that you may not agree with, but not letting them sway your judgement of character. Unless the what you see has a direct negative effect on you or those around you... there is no need to speak out against it.[/quote]

Hum... Really. Honestly this is NOT the responses I was expecting. Not at all! Talk about don't check your brain at the door! Now I do say this word is still used WAY too often. Tolerance is a choice, It isn't a must. There are things I will tolerate, and there are things I won't. I will tolerate WJ putting her crafts on my art desk, but if Glitter or Zap try to take over I will have a fit. I like my arias neat and tidy.

Nobody HAS to tolerate anyone. We tolerate because we acknowledge the fact that-

[quote]Acknowledging that we are all different so will have different opinions. [/quote] (mom)

(My Pastor)

[quote]Tolerance is being willing to allow someone else hold a different view than you do. This would include religious, moral, political and other things people disagree about. Tolerating doesn't mean agreeing with or accepting a particular position. There are still right and wrong views. At least as God dictates it. A tolerant person will allow me to hold that position. [/quote]

If you want to read the rest of the definitions I got they are here.

Now to what started this;


I still don't understand how Tolerance has to do with being a brony. There are plenty of shows I like, and there are even more that I don't. Just because someone likes something, or doesn't shouldn't be any of our business. I know people tease. I could be crowned queen of teasing! However I don't understand what liking ponies, or super heroes, or anything else should be a good thing or a bad. I like watching Star Trek, and reading about battle strategies. Those are typically considered a boy things! I love getting dirty and have even been featured in the local news paper for playing with worms! I am a country bumpkin! And you know what, I consider it an HONOR whenever someone calls me a redneck. For that is what I am! I am a God fearing, dirty, redneck who likes the fine things of life, and understanding the way the world works. Is there anything wrong with that? No... Just like there isn't anything wrong for liking to stay clean, neat, and live in apartments.

We are all different, There are some opinions that are more right than others, but I have learned, that if you listen to both extremes on any given subject you will come close to understanding what truly happened. The importiant thing is to sit still and listen, to think before acting, and to understand the situation at hand. If I had done what I had originally planed to do. You all would be ranting on how WRONG I was in my opinion. For it was wrong. Tolerance isn't approving of what others believe or think, it is acknowledging the fact that we are different, and therefore are entitled to an option. It is like what Scotty said in 'Trouble with Tribbles.'

[quote]Easy Lad, Everyone is entitled to an opinion. [/quote]

This quote is immediately followed by the funniest fight scene EVER!

But in closing, I have learned much during this word study and plan to do another one soon. I am glad I have been taught to research, and therefore can look up to see what something means before I go on a rampage on a topic.

I want to thank all of you for reading, and if you have any more comments on this topic, don't be afraid to let me know. I will continue to add definitons to the word doc as long as I keep getting them. Till Next time.

V. Kathie Ardnek Out.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Dear Santa

I just realized that I am sitting at one week till my birthday,and even though I am not a party person, people still give me stuff. Currently my room is a pig sty and I do not want trinkets that will only hinder my efforts to clean my room.

Wish One: New Chair for my desk.

Wish Two: Chocolate 

That one isn't that hard to figure out so I won't bother with pictures. Favorite is Dark and mint.

Wish three and Four: Camera stuff

I am Really into photography and movie making so I need... 

SD 16 Gig-64 Gig cards

Batteries for my new Camera and a Charger for the batteries.

Wish five: Horse shirts

Wish Six: A Horse MUG 

I do not own a 'personal mug'

Wish Seven: Aroma defuzer 

Wish Eight: Poll barn for Rabbits/Chickens/ Goats 

Wish Nine: Hammock 

Wish Ten: Sleep ;)

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Intro to Strong Woman? Or female Bully?

(this is on both blogs)

In working with my women characters I have realized I need to, for myself define 'What is a strong woman?'

What brought this on was Star Trek's Captain Kathryn Janeway. I am a die hard Trekkie and have watched almost ever single S.T. TV episode. While watching Voyager I was amazed by the character. Star Trek's goal was to make a political statement of 'women can lead too.' After watching the series I was still left with the nagging question of 'what is a strong woman?' and more importantly 'was she a strong WOMAN, or a strong willed person that just happened to be physically a girl. (I will delve into Janeway in a future case)

After watching the series I started pestering my mother on the 'strong woman' issue. I have just finished Door Post's  Polished Cornerstone A Proverbs 31 women curriculum for young girls. The Curriculum delves deep into all the aspects of woman hood, leadership, home making,  honesty, kindness, memorization, Joyfulness, and so forth. So I know what is expected of a woman but I wish to strengthen my skills in developing and spotting Strong Women.

Throughout history leadership has been a 'man's job' with but a few exceptions like Cleopatra, Queen Elizabith, Queen Victoria, Jezebel Ahab's wife, Abigail one of King David's many wives, Esther, Ruth, and others. But there were exceptions. What made the exceptions 'strong'?

For the next bit I will be doing a study examining famous women in history, Women I know personally like my Mother, Grandmother, An adopted Aunt of mine that happens to be a supervisor at McDonald's, and if I can My former Boss at the Equestrian Center I used to work at, as well as two or three Pastor's wives I know. Fictional women like Cinderella's stepmother,Captain Janeway, Concealer Diana Troi from Star Trek, Maid Marian from Robin Hood, Wendy from Peter Pan, and others, and figuring out what is the definition of a strong woman, and who is a strong woman, and who is, in my oppion a bully. (I'm Singing My own song will have the interviews and fictional women, Making Me a servant will have the Historical Women)

Currently my hypothesis is A strong woman is a Woman that Men do not feel threatened by. They respectfully not only acknowledge the fact that the woman is skilled but yield to them the tasks that the woman is better than them in. A Strong woman does not flaunt her skill or attorney at the men or insist upon it. nor snatch it away from them she simply is. If anything the Authority she has is thrust upon her by another. Whether it is in motherhood, queen-ship like Elizabeth and Victoria, or in being a mayor like Sarah Palin, or a Captain like Janeway.  

If anybody would like to join me in my mission I would enjoy the company I will probably be on this tangent for at least a year, maybe two or three There are a lot of women to cover and I doubt I can do more than two a week.

( I will set up a linkup as soon as I figure it out. Please just comment below if you do one.)

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Education and the computer

With the rise of the computer age has come with the rise of the argument of whether or not they are a good thing as far as education goes. I shall only give five pros and five cons to it.


  1. You don't have to have a huge library to be able to learn about multiple topics. 
  2. It doesn't take as long to look things up on the computer as it does the library. 
  3. There are a ton of online game sites where you can find a large selection of educational games for younger students. 
  4. Even if you live in the middle of nowhare you can have a large class to chat with. 
  5. Youtube!!! My favorite resorse for learning about just about everything and anything 

  1. Spam. 
  2. Incorrect data is easy to get to. 
  3. You cannot monitor everything the student is doing, so it is really easy to think they are doing their work and come to find out they are playing solitaire or pinball. 
  4. Price of computers. 
  5. It is far too easy to get stuck paying a lot of money for something that you had no idea cost anything. 
Honesty I like my computer. I have a far easier time working on it while doing my work than anywhere else. I have poor handwriting so the computer speeds up my writing and makes it easier for others to read what I  wrote. 

Also I am a Visual learner and since I cannot go to all the factories in the world to discover how things are done I can just look it up on Youtube and the answers are right there at my finger tips. 

Monday, April 22, 2013

James 3 Tongue Verses

Alright my next goal in this unit is to go through James chapter three and write down everything it says about the tongue. OK here we go.

Ok this isn't as easy as I thought it would be, this chapter you could highlight the entire thing for it is non stop about the tongue! KISH!

Verse two:  says he that controls the tongue controls his entire body.

Verse three: is the paralal between the tongue and the bit in the horses mouth.

Verse four: The rudder of a ship.

Verse five and six: Tongue is like a spark of fire. It may be small but it sure does get in trouble fast.

Verse Seven and eight: Beast and all creatures can be tamed but the tongue no man can tame.

Verse Nine -Twelve : With the same mouth comes out both cursing and blessing and this should not be.

Verse thirteen to end of chapter: Learn to control thy tongue while you are young.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Turn the other Cheek

Have you ever heard the term turn the other cheek? How about Love your Enemy? These terms comes from (at least on of the places) the book of 1 Peter in chapter three verses nine and ten.
Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise Blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. For he will love life and see good days let him refrain his tongue from evil and his lips that speak no guile: 

This month or so I will be studying what God says about controlling your tongue in my Polished Cornerstones Class. (Bible for girls.) In Part G of this segment it says to list ideas of how to "bless those who curse you"

For me I have a lot of enemies, I don't easily trust people and when you get over to my bad side it is hard for me to trust you again. So for me this is one of the most difficult concepts in the Bible.

In my family we have a tradition of sorts. If we have an enemy we will bake a loaf of banana bread. Dad started it, I am not sure when but he has encouraged me to do the same to my own enemies.

Another thing we do is invite them to family parties. Now believe me if there is a child in the family that doesn't like them either this typically has a negative effect.

Pray for them.

If there be a need, meet it.

Be kind to their relatives.

Don't snub them.

I am sure there are things I am not thinking of but as I said this isn't a strong point for me.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Proverbs 31 for singles

Proverbs 31 YouVersion KJV Bible

10Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
11She is trustworthy and does whatever she says she will do. 
12She will do them good and not evil all the days of her life.
13She seeks wool, and flax, and works willingly with her hands.
14She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
15She rises also while it is yet night, and does the cooking while it is cool and then helps feed everyone in the house. 
16She considers a field, and buys it: with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17She girds her loins with strength, and strengthens her arms.
18She works hard to make sure her work is done well and her lamp is always lit in case of emergancy. 
19 She can spin her own thread and make her own cloths
20 She is willing to let something go so it will bless someone else. And if she sees a need she tries to make sure it is met. 
21She saves her money and buys warm clothing so that when the snows comes they are prepared.  
22She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
23She is trustworty and nobody has to tell her twice what needs to be done. 
24She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
25Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
27She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
28Her friends arise up, and call her blessed; her parents also, and he praiseth her.
29Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
30Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
31Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
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